For Your Own Good
Bruce Perry described his experiences with a traumatized five-year old girl (he named her Sandy for the purposes of his book The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog), who had survived the murder of her mother and an assault on her own life. As he himself stated, he learned a lot from this multi-layered story. What are some of the insights you personally gained after reading the described events?
After reading about Sandy, I learned many important lessons about children and how they react to difficult experiences. I realized that even very young children can be very strong and brave, even when they face bad situations. I understood that trauma affects every child in a different way. Some children may become quiet, some may become angry, and some may hide their feelings completely. I also learned that love, care, attention, and patience are very important for helping traumatized children. Simple things, like listening, showing kindness, and making a child feel safe, can help them start to heal. I think it is very important for adults, such as teachers, parents, and psychologists, to give support and understanding to children in difficult situations. Finally, this story made me think about how I should treat children and people who have suffered. I realized that everyone deserves to feel safe, cared for, and loved. I also understood that even small actions can have a big effect on someone’s life. This story taught me to be more patient, compassionate, and aware of the feelings of others.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Boris!
DeleteWhen I first read the story about Sandy, I felt a mix of emotions. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to survive such a traumatic event. As I reached the end, I started to feel happy and proud of her because she had healed and was living a good life. It takes so much courage and persistence to recover and continue with life after all the horrible things that happened to her.
ReplyDeleteOne insight I gained from this story is that, no matter what, you shouldn’t give up on yourself. Even when everything seems hard and it feels impossible not to hide your emotions, we must be brave and take small steps forward. Even if those steps aren’t huge, even if things don’t get better easily, we should continue to move forward. We shouldn’t put our problems or traumas “under the table” and ignore them, because that will only make life more difficult. Instead, we should work to face and solve them, to heal our minds and souls, and to cherish those who want to help us.
From another perspective, Mr. Perry was very calm, patient, and empathetic. I really aspire to be like him. Because I am a teacher and work with children every day, this story reminded me to always be patient and kind with my students. I think it is very important for our society to have more people like Mr. Perry. Sometimes I feel there aren’t enough kind and empathetic people, especially in schools and medical institutions, where it matters the most. We should cherish people like Mr. Perry and teach our children to be like him, to nurture their empathy and kindness, because sometimes even the smallest act of kindness can make a huge difference in someone’s life.
Maša Raičević (1807/24)
Thank you, Maša!
DeleteThe story about Sandy is really a hard pill to swallow, as you can not imagine that something like that really happen. The main thing I learned from Bruce Perry is empathy. Even though psychologists are taught to not empathize with their patients, sometimes we have to look at someone first as a person, and then as a patient, especially if we are dealing with a child. I also learn that even children who are so young and naive and do not know so much about the world are dealing with trauma the same way adults are or should. The only difference is that they are using resources they have, which are very different from those adults have, having in mind that children do not have fully developed consciousness and brains even, and their perception is very different than ours. Secon thing I learned from Bruce is that he firstly wanted to help Sandy deal with her trauma with everything that happened and secondly, he wanted to prepare her for trial. This is also connected with empathy, as he didn't just want to tell her what to say and how to say what happened to her, but he wanted to help her figure out her emotions, sort out her mind and help her deal with all that happened.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I learned from Sandy that there is no giving up, and that if a child such as herself can overcome such difficult thing, everyone can at least try to deal with their own life's difficulties. Even though she was so little and knew so little, she found a person she is comfortable with and tried to explain what and how things that happened to her played out.
Both of them, Bruce and Sandy, can be used as examples of people with good faith, right choices and pure heart, that is why I think this is not just psychological story, nor a case, but a great message to everyone inside and outside of psychology as a science.
Thank you, Bobana!
DeleteOne of the most important lessons I learned is that children who grow up in chaotic, violent, or neglectful environments are not choosing to misbehave. Their brains adapt to constant threat, staying on high alert even when the danger is gone. Sandy wasn’t “acting out” for attention, she was responding the only way she knew how. Understanding this changed the way I see children who struggle emotionally or behaviorally. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with them?” we should be asking, “What happened to them?”
ReplyDeleteAnother powerful insight was the role of rhythm and repetition in healing trauma. I always assumed therapy was mostly talking, but Sandy needed something very different. Her brain had been shaped by fear, so she needed calming, predictable, rhythmic activities like rocking, drumming, and patterned movement to teach her body that the world could be safe again. This showed me that healing isn’t just cognitive; it is physical, sensory, and relational.
I also learned that patience and stable relationships are some of the strongest tools for recovery. Sandy began to heal not because of one big breakthrough, but because adults consistently showed up with kindness, structure, and predictability. It reminded me that small moments of compassion can have enormous long-term impact, especially for a child who has learned not to trust.
Finally, Sandy’s story taught me that recovery is possible. Even after severe trauma, a child can rebuild emotional balance, learn new skills, and form healthy relationships but only if the adults around them understand their needs and respond with empathy rather than judgment.
Thank you, Aleksa!
DeleteThis story was a completely new experience for me. Traumatic events are something that is in narrowest interest of psychology students, just like me. But nothing could prepare me for this report that showed how traumatic experience looks like from a perspective of a child. This gave me an insight on how tender and fragile children are and that erratic and abnormal behavior in some children that we know and are quick to judge might actually be a consequence of some unwanted events that child couldn’t process. As a future therapist, approach of this psychiatrist was very precious to me. It showed me how much patience and time is needed to first get into deeper layers of one’s conciousness and how complex it is to touch such vulnerable places of one’s soul. Also this story should be a reminder that some people, for example a murderer in this story, lack empathy and conciousness and can be very dangerous. A note to that, he had some twisted empathy but not enough for anyone to be safe around him and completely unacceptable type. Big dissapointment to me is system in this story. Traumatised child is moved from one foster home to another, unable to find comfort and security, and on top of that, she is completely misunderstood. On the brighter side, this story showed me that recovery is possible through hard work, deep understanding and professional’s assistance.
ReplyDeleteDuška Karadžić
Thank you, Duska!
DeleteThe story was super emotionally. Every time the little girl repeated the phrase “for your own good,” it took me back to the moment when she for the first time heard that expression and to the trauma she carried with her. This story reminds me a lot of certain moments from the book When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate, which conveys the idea that trauma — the pain that happens to any living being — always has to come to the surface; the only question is how willing we are to look at it. We can’t turn our heads away, believing that things will resolve themselves or that “children are more resilient than adults.” They are not. She expressed her trauma in certain ways: she didn’t like the grey cutlery or the knife, she didn’t like milk because it reminded her of the night when she wanted to feed her mom, but as she says, “Mom wasn’t hungry.”
ReplyDeleteIt’s truly a heartbreaking situation and moment. And finally, there is one sentence that kept going through my mind while reading: we should always be kind to everyone and avoid judging, because we never know what pain someone is carrying. Who knows what would have happened to this girl if she had continued to grow up without this therapy and with all the trauma she had.
Thank you, Anja!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteReading about Sandy in The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog was both heartbreaking and inspiring. Her story made me reflect deeply on how trauma affects children. It reminded me that even in the darkest situations, healing is possible when someone receives the right support and understanding.
ReplyDeleteWe should never rush to judge a child’s behavior. What may seem like disobedience or emotional instability could actually be a response to something much deeper. Something that child might not even have the words to explain. This story reminded me how essential it is to approach children with patience, empathy, and curiosity rather than assumptions.
Dr. Perry’s approach also left a strong impression on me. His calm, compassionate, and consistent presence helped Sandy begin to feel safe again. As someone who is passionate about working with people, especially children, I found his example incredibly meaningful. It showed me that healing doesn’t come from quick fixes, but from building trust and offering steady, nonjudgmental support.
Finally, Sandy’s courage taught me that even the smallest steps forward matter. Her ability to open up, little by little, was a powerful reminder that recovery is possible.
Thank you, Milica!
ReplyDeleteDear Professor Andrijašević,
ReplyDeleteHere is my assignment.
After reading about Sandy’s story, the thing that stayed with me the most was how deeply trauma can shape a child’s inner world, even when the adults around them don’t see it. I had always heard the idea that “children are resilient,” but this chapter made me understand how misleading that phrase can be. Sandy wasn’t “fine”—she was terrified, confused, and left alone with memories no child should ever have to carry. What looked like “misbehavior” or “odd habits” were actually her brain trying to survive.
Another insight I gained was how much healing depends on safety, patience, and especially control. Watching how Dr. Perry approached her—slowly, gently, without forcing anything—showed me how important it is to respect the pace of someone who has been hurt. The reenactments that might have seemed strange from the outside suddenly made sense: she was trying to take back power in the only way her mind could manage.
I was also struck by how badly the system failed her. The adults who were supposed to protect her didn’t understand trauma, and that lack of understanding nearly caused even more harm. It made me realize how important it is for people who work with children—teachers, social workers, doctors—to know what trauma actually looks like, because otherwise kids like Sandy get mislabeled instead of helped.
Finally, reading about her slow progress gave me a strange mix of sadness and hope. Sadness because of what she endured, but hope because with consistent support she really did begin to rebuild herself. It made me believe even more in the power of stable, caring relationships. They don’t erase trauma, but they can make recovery possible.
Best regards,
Jovana Mićanović (1800/24)
Thank you, Jovana!
ReplyDeleteReading Bruce Perry’s account of Sandy in The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog left a profound impression on me and offered several important insights. I realized how deeply trauma can shape a child’s developing brain. It became clear that healing cannot come from logic or instruction alone, safety, consistent support, and empathetic presence are essential before any therapeutic work can take root. Sandy’s story also highlighted the individuality of trauma each child responding differently depending on their experiences, age, and temperament, so care must be tailored and patient. Despite the severity of her experiences, Sandy’s eventual progress revealed the remarkable resilience of children when given a safe, attuned environment. Her journey reminded me that trauma affects not just behavior, but also identity, perception, and trust, and that real healing is incremental, non-linear, and requires persistence. Ultimately, the story reinforced the power of empathy, patience, and understanding, showing that human connection is central to helping those who have suffered reclaim a sense of safety and possibility in their lives. This text really left a strong impression on me, even tho we read it a few weeks ago I still remember how much I emphasized with her, and how I was impressed with doctors patiance.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jovana!
ReplyDeleteDear Professor,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for submitting my answer so late.
I must say, even though the ending is happy, this was heartbreaking to read. It's often hard to help adult individuals with death situations, let alone when those are violent. And it's hard to get close to a child who's been through something, so when something like this happens... You have to praise both the therapist and the kid. I'm really happy to know how brave Sandy was to be a part of the world after that trauma. It takes a lot of strength for something like that. Although this might sound morbid, I am also amazed by the connections she made from that night to everyday life. I can understand why she wouldn't touch knives and milk, but to develop defense mechanisms when she hears a doorbell... I'm not saying she did it consciously, but that much observation and remembering makes you want to sit back for a minute. Also, her reenactment later in therapy, when she's rocking Dr Perry and humming songs to him... It has two meanings. First, she probably rocked her mom to try to wake her up that night. Second, and maybe even more importantly, she remembers her mom rocking her and humming to her. I would bet that when she asks Dr Perry to read her books and rock her, she probably wants her mom to do that. And that's a critical window, because in that moment she can start (and she does) to feel how she misses her mother. That's a big step for her and for the therapist, because she starts processing the trauma. And it's hard, it's painful, but she's doing it. And for Dr Perry to be such a rock for her, after system had failed her multiple times, is extraordinary. To have so much empathy and professionalism, to become an ego-less person for her (because children can easily sense when someone is prideful or trying too hard, and they don't like it), it's just what every (child) therapist hopes to achieve. Truly hard and amazing story.
With kind regards,
Julija Mijušković 1809/24
Thank you, Julija!
DeleteBruce’s experience in this traumatic case involving a five-year-old girl highlights the fact that many things cannot be found in the academic literature we study at university. Instead, new experiences shape us, bringing new challenges and, at the same time, opportunities to improve our own abilities. Bruce did an outstanding job and
ReplyDeletethrough his patience, persistent analysis, and calmness, he reached a stage at which he allowed the girl to relax and later talk about her trauma. Certainly, for us as future psychologists, it is very important to turn the desire to help others into action. That is precisely why, at times, instincts are stronger than definitions, and a sincere intention to help is greater than the problem itself.
Thank you, Katarina!
DeleteAfter reading about Sandy’s life, I understood how deeply trauma affects a child’s brain and behavior. Her acts looked confusing and disturbing on the surface but were actually survival responses. Sandy’s reactions show that what may seem like “bad behavior” is often a child’s attempt to cope with fear and loss. Also, I learned how important it is to be patient in healing trauma. Bruce Perry’s experience highlights that recovery does not happen quickly or in a straight line. It requires understanding the child’s past and meeting emotional needs. This story emphasizes how relationships can be healing - when adults respond with empathy rather than punishment, they can help traumatized children slowly rebuild trust and a sense of security.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ivana!
DeleteSandy’s story, even though it is heartbreaking, is a good choice to be used to show how traumtic event effects the lives of people, especially children. Besides the explanation of Sandy’s behavior, we also got to read about the ignorance of the adults who cared more about her witness statement than her mental state and horrific trauma that happened to her. Even her father, grandmother and foster parents have not once thought to bring her to therapy, too busy in their custody battle. This story tells us how fragile a mind of a child is, especially in situations like these. It explains to us the way we should approach, with easiness, empathy and patience. Sometimes children don’t know how to use words to explain what happened, or how they feel, so they explain it the only way they can, with imitation and taking back the control over the situation.
ReplyDeleteI think this story shows a good example how people don’t look deeper in some things, how so many adults in Sandy’s life saw the obvious clues of trauma responses, aggressive behavior and didn’t take her to a specialist, or anyone that could have gotten her some help, before brining her on a trial where she would have to relive the reason all of that started.
Draga Jano, poeni su sabrani i uneseni u tablicu, rok za odgovore je bio 31. dec 25, pa Vase odgovore ne mogu bodovati, ali sam ih procitao sa zadovoljstvom.
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