Negative power or manipulation
Retell the second part of the 'Negative power' text from the perspective of the mother, and briefly give your own opinion on her behaviour.
The Myth of Psyche
In our online class we m anaged to discuss the first few questions regarding the story of psychology. Many interesting questions have stayed unanswered, so choose one or a few that inspire you, and give comments on them.
One day, Henry came and told us that he and his friend were planning to spend their summer driving from New York all the way to California. At the time, I agreed with the idea. My husband and I approved it, and Henry was so happy and excited.
ReplyDeleteBut later that night, when I started thinking about it, I began to feel afraid. It’s such a long trip; they would be alone. What if something bad happened to them? How would I spend all that time without him? I would miss him so much. He is still too young to leave; he has never stayed that long away from home. All these thoughts began to swirl in my mind, and I couldn’t control them.
Days went by, and the trip was closer. The night before his departure, I felt so ill. I had severe chest pain, couldn’t breathe, and truly believed I was having a heart attack. I told Henry not to leave because I was terrified something bad would happen if he went. I could see in his eyes that he was scared for me, but also sad about missing the trip.
We went to the hospital, and after a few days of observation, the doctors told me nothing was wrong, it had been a “false alarm.” Deep down, I knew my illness wasn’t real, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed him to stay home. In my heart, I told myself there would be so many other things for him to do in life, missing this trip wasn’t truly important. It felt safer for him to stay near me. I love him more than anything, and I want him always by my side.
From my perspective, parents often control their children in manipulative ways. Some are not ready to let their kids become independent human beings; they are not ready to let them grow up. To keep them close and maintain their attention, they sometimes use emotions against them, just like the mother in the story did. She knew that her son cared deeply for her, and she used that love as her negative power. The fear she felt for her son leaving is understandable, but that isn’t an excuse for her to act the way she did. Parents cannot protect their children from all of life’s problems, even though many try to do so. They need to lead by example, advise their children the best they can, let them live their lives, experience ups and downs, and be there to support them.
Best regards,
Maša Raičević (1807/24)
Thank you, Masa!
DeleteBack in the time when my son Henry was seventeen years old, he was planning to drive across the country with his close friend. A day before the departure I made up my mind. I decided I can’t let him go. The two young seventeen years old boys driving alone on dangerous highways across the country sounded more and more like a dangerous take. What if something happens? I could never forgive myself, what am I to do without Henry? And even if everything goes okay, how could I know if he isn’t having great time, what if he gets bored, scared or has unwanted encounters? On top of that, there won’t be any space for my control and what am I going to do without him for so many days? That was the moment I decided, he is not going. All these negative thoughts made my heart race, and I asked myself what if I was on a verge of cardiac arrest? That was when an idea came. These mild symptoms are something that I can use for my own advantage. I was ready to go to the hospital and as a result, Henry would make his own decision to stay next to his poor, sick mother. And my plan worked well.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I see, this is a common behavior in panicked and possessive mothers, especially if they have an only child. She is guilt-tripping her child, she is ruining the mood for everyone and most of all, sabotages her own child in finding his own way and living his own life. She is even sabotaging her own growth, because she can’t accept her son is a grown individual and can’t seem to realize, her life is much more than motherhood, she is losing herself in the process of keeping her son in her claws.
Duška Karadžić (1818/24)
Thank you, Duska!
DeleteIt was the night before Henry was supposed to leave for that long trip across the country with his friend. He was only seventeen, and the thought of my boy driving all the way to California in that Ford made my heart tighten every time I thought about it. That night the worry became too much to bear. What if I die while hes gone? I knew I was ruining Henrys plans, but a mothers heart sometimes speaks louder than reason. I had to act and pretend I had sharp pain in my chest so Henry could stay and watch over me, all that just to make sure he wont go on a trip. The next morning, I watched from the window as his friends car pulled up. Henry stood in the yard, he was looking so sad. I went to the hospital later that day. They kept me for three days, ran every test they could, and said there was nothing wrong with me. My heart still hurt because I had let fear keep my Henry from unforgettable adventure of his life.
ReplyDeleteWell, I can understand his mum partly and say that all mothers on Earth want their kids to be safe and sound but here we have Henry who is 17 and his friend.They are starting to live a life and those boundaries that are set by parents are starting to crumble. If she truly wanted her son to spiritually grow up, she would let him and story would have good ending. I hope she let him next time and that she made up for this(she made cheesecake for their second trip)
Thank you, Aleksa!
DeleteRetelling (from Henry’s mother’s perspective)
ReplyDeleteWhen Henry was seventeen, he planned a trip across the country with his friend. He had permission from his parents and was ready to go. But when he arrived at his friend’s house, I told him that I felt very sick during the night and asked him not to go. I said I had severe chest pains and might have a heart attack. I wanted him to stay home with me because I was afraid something could happen if he left. Henry looked very sad, but he stayed because he was worried about me. Later, doctors found that I was not seriously ill.I realize now that I used my illness to control Henry and stop him from leaving. I wanted him close and to care for me, but in doing so, I prevented him from having an important experience and made him feel responsible for my feelings.
My opinion
In my opinion, Henry’s mother behaved in a wrong and unfair way. She used manipulation and fear to control her son instead of honestly expressing her feelings. She may have thought she was protecting him or showing love, but in reality, she limited his freedom and independence. Parents need to balance love with guidance, not control.I understand that she felt scared and alone, and she probably wanted Henry to stay with her because she cared, but lying about a serious illness is not a good way to show love or care. By doing this, she also risked damaging the trust between her and her son. I think she should have been honest and allowed Henry to make his own decision. Real love means supporting children while letting them grow and experience life for themselves.
Boris Adzic 1813/24
Thank you, Boris!
DeleteDear Professor,
ReplyDeleteHere is my retelling from the mother's perspective:
It was a known fact that Henry, my son, was supposed to leave for a trip to California. He was only 17, but he had both mine and my husband's permission to go. He had planned everything meticulously with his friend.
However, the night before his departure, I started feeling unwell. Severe chest pains made me weak and they lasted throughout the night. I was sure I was having a heart attack. I was so scared that I would have to go to the hospital and not come back... that I wouldn't see Henry ever again if he went on the trip as planned. I pleaded with him to stay by my side in case the worst happened. His father talked to him as well and he decided to stay. I was admitted to the hospital and kept there for observation 3 days, but the staff couldn't find anything. Thank God, everything was fine.
And this is my opinion:
I think the parents should go through 3 phases with their children as they grow up: they should teach them until they become teenagers, then guide them and finally, simply talk with them. However, many parents have trouble shifting from the guiding phase to the talking phase and many express that differently.
In this case, I think the mother genuinely wants her son to be happy and explore the world. She did give him the green light and wanted to support him, but she was stressing internally about the whole trip.
Was her son, her small child, going to be okay? Could he really have planned such a good road trip with a friend? Was it perhaps too dangerous for them to go alone by a car? Was something going to happen to him during the trip?
I think she was overthinking about everything to the point where the stress and the anxiety manifested as physical pain and affected her health. Of course, when he stayed by her side, she gradually calmed down, which js why the medical staff couldn't find anything wrong.
With kind regards,
Julija Mijušković, 1809/24
Thank you, Julija!
ReplyDeleteWhen Henry told me he wanted to drive across the country, I felt panic rise inside me. He’s my only son — the center of my world — and the thought of him leaving made me feel empty and afraid. I couldn’t imagine the house without him. That night, I lay awake, my chest tightening, my thoughts racing. Maybe it really was anxiety, maybe it was something more, but I told him I was in pain and that I couldn’t bear for him to go while I was unwell. Deep down, I knew that saying this would make him stay, and that brought me comfort. I needed him near me — I needed to feel cared for and not left behind. When he decided not to go, I felt relieved, though I also knew I had used his love and concern for me to get what I wanted.
ReplyDeleteI think the mother’s behaviour was selfish and codependent. She couldn’t let her son have his own experience because she depended too much on him for emotional security. Instead of supporting his independence, she used guilt and illness to keep him close. Even if she didn’t plan it consciously, she manipulated him to fill her own emotional needs. Her actions show how love can turn controlling when someone can’t separate their own fears from another person’s freedom.
Thank you, Jovana
DeleteThat night I felt severe pains in my chest and a terrible panic came over me. My son Henry was about to start tomorrow on a long journey across the country, and at that moment I was seized with the fear that I might never see him again. I begged him not to go, to stay with me, because I was convinced that I would end up in the hospital and that it would be easier for me to know that he was there. My husband also thought Henry should stay, at least until we were sure I was okay. They took me to the hospital and kept me under observation for three days, but in the end they said it was nothing serious. However, Henry missed his trip and I felt both relief and guilt at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI think that the mother, although worried, also seemed a bit manipulative, because she used her fear to keep her son with her. She probably didn't do it consciously, but emotions and the need for attention were stronger than reason. On one hand, I understand her fear and motherly concern, but on the other hand, I don't think it was fair to Henry to give up his plan because of her feelings of insecurity. This situation shows how thin the line is between care and manipulation in the parent-child relationship.
Thank you, Nevena
DeleteI realized that I just can't let my son on that trip. What if something happens to him, or me when he is gone. But I could not just say ''no'' the day before the trip, he has already planned everything and I agreed. I did not have the right reasoning as why I would not let him go. He would have been so mad. I had to think of another reason to make him stay, so I had decided to act ill. I told him that I had severe pain in my chest and that I am afraid that something could happen to me while he is gone. He had no other choice but to stay home because he loves his mother and does not want anything bad to happen to her. He stayed and I felt relieved. Now I had to continue the act and I went to the hospital. I even stayed there for three days, but the doctor said everything was okay. I was happy that nothing happened to me, but also I think I prevented anything happening to my son on that trip too.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I think Henry's mother thought about the whole situation. I do not approve this kind of thinking because it is kind of possessive and overprotective. If she had any problems with her son going on that trip, she should have acted like a responsible adult and talked to him about it. I doubt Henry, or any other child would not understand and reassure his/her mother. Using this kind of manipulation and negative power can only lead to losing trust between a child and his/her parent. There are many different ways to show love, concern and care, but none of them should be led by manipulative techniques that belittle child's feelings.
Thank you, Bobana!
DeleteDear Professor Andrijašević,
ReplyDeleteHere is retelling the second part of “Negative Power” from the mother’s perspective:
When I heard that my son Henry planned to drive across the country with his friend, I was overcome by fear. I knew he was growing up and wanted to be independent, but the thought of him being so far away made me feel anxious and helpless. That night I couldn’t sleep; I felt a tightness in my chest and panic took over. I called him to my room, crying that I was afraid something would happen to me if he left. I didn’t want to stop him, but I also couldn’t bear the idea of being left alone. My husband and I told him that he should stay until I felt better. When he agreed, I felt both relieved and guilty. I went to the hospital, but the doctors found nothing wrong. Deep down, I knew that my “illness” had come from fear — fear of losing my son’s attention and love.
My opinion on her behaviour:
Henry’s mother’s behaviour can be seen as a mixture of love, fear, and manipulation. On the surface, she acted like a caring mother who was deeply worried about her son’s safety. However, beneath this concern was an unconscious attempt to control him through guilt and emotional dependence. By pretending to be seriously ill, she used her weakness as a tool of power — an example of negative power, where someone gains control not through strength or reason, but through emotional pressure.
Her actions show that she was unable to separate her own needs from her son’s freedom. Instead of supporting Henry’s growth and independence, she tried to keep him close, even if it meant limiting his happiness and opportunities. This reveals a possessive form of love, where fear of loneliness becomes stronger than genuine care. In doing so, she not only harmed her son’s confidence and independence but also trapped herself in a cycle of emotional dependency.
Although her feelings are understandable — every parent fears losing their child — true love requires trust and the ability to let go. Henry’s mother could have expressed her fears honestly and allowed him to go, showing faith in his maturity. By choosing manipulation instead, she lost both her integrity and her son’s trust.
Best regards,
Jovana Mićanović (1800/24)
Thank you, Jovana!
DeleteFrom the mother’s perspective: When Henry told me he wanted to go on a road trip across the country with his friend, I felt fear. He’s my only child, and the thought of him being so far away, on dangerous roads, without me knowing where he is. It was too much. I couldn’t sleep that night. My heart was racing, and I felt a tightness in my chest. I kept thinking.. What if something happens to him? What if I get sick while he’s gone? I knew I couldn’t just forbid him to go. He had planned everything, and I had already said yes. So I told him I wasn’t feeling well. I said I had chest pain, and I let him believe it might be serious. I didn’t lie exactly. I just let my fear speak for me. When he decided to stay, I felt safe again. I needed him close. I know it wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t help it.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion: I understand the mother’s fear, especially because Henry is her only child. However, I believe her behavior was emotionally manipulative. Instead of being honest and expressing her concerns, she used her health to make her son feel guilty and responsible. That kind of pressure can damage trust in a parent-child relationship. Even though her actions came from fear and love, I think she should have had an open conversation with Henry and respected his independence.
Thank you, Milica!
ReplyDeleteI think this was a monologue of Henry’s mother just before his departure, that is, during the preparations for the trip: “Fear overwhelms me; I am extremely worried about how things might unfold that I cannot control. What if something happens to him? What if he gets robbed or lost? What if his phone dies and he can’t contact me? What if he doesn’t eat properly, or, even worse, goes hungry? No, I must not allow him to go on that trip. I know that he loves me and that he is very attached to me. The only way to make him stay is to say that I have heart problems and that my condition could worsen because of excessive worry. Yes, he will certainly stay when he hears that—he simply cares too much about me…”
ReplyDeleteMy opinion:
This is a classic example of emotional conditioning, which is unfortunately common in parent–child relationships. However, it is very important to develop a sufficient level of awareness and, for parents especially, to come to the realization that the only thing they can truly protect us from in this life is themselves—everything else is beyond their control.
Thank you, Katarina!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFrom mother's perspective: A few years ago my son Henry came home, asking for mine and my husband's premission to go on a trip with his friend. The second I heard the distance of a location I felt the weird feeling of my stomatch and chest being squeezed. I mean, he is only seventeen, and so is his friend, but the look of excitement and joy for the trip on his face, so with the support of my husband, I agreed. Days and nights have passed, more terrified thoughts and pictures ran through my head, all tied to Henry's safety. As the days from the date started shrinking, the thoughts became worse, the what ifs constantly spiralling and the strange feeling with the pain became unbearable, especially the night before. I couldn't breathe properly, as if a hand was holding something in my chest and the airway was blocked. I gathered some of my strenght to call out for my husband and son, explaining them the situation, or at least that's the last part I can remember that isn't foggy, or at least that's the side of the story I tell everyone. I can't even remember what the whole truth was, I conviced myself of that verson, as well as everyone else, because somewhere deep I knew the illness wasn't real. I acted confused when the hospital said that they hadn't found anything, but I knew the reason, I believe others suspected it too, but at the time, I could be bothered by it. My son was safe, he was there with me and not a hair on his head was missing, but who knows what would have happened if he went on that trip. I know my motherly instict was right and something awful would happen if I didn't interfere.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe the mother even now thinks she had made the right choice, and that she was the only thinking what was the best for her son, but her wish to grasp full control of her son's life and choices was built on her weaknesses, and illusion of threat and danger. Parents whose whole life revolves around in a role of a parent and not their own person, they will never be able to view their child as an independent person, only as their child, or a property. The story describes mother, not only as overly panicked women, but a possessive person in a constant need to control things or people she considers hers.